Dude #29

Shortly after my one date with Dude #27 I decided, once again, to try a different app. I polled my friends on Facebook, and picked one that a couple people said they (or someone they knew) had good luck on.

That’s where I connected with Dude #29. We matched, we live relatively close, and we had only chatted briefly before he asked me out.

It was shortly before 5PM on a Friday when he asked if I was free that night. It happened to be that I had taken my kids to their dad’s shortly before, but I was already in my pajamas and reheating leftovers for dinner.

He pointed out that the night was still young. I told him that honestly it had been a rough week and I had hit the wall when I got home from dropping off my kids and running an errand. He asked if I’d be up for doing something laid back but I had to be real that I didn’t think I’d be very good company, especially for meeting someone new. Seriously, I was beat.

So we made plans for coffee the next afternoon.

We met at one of the many Starbucks in the area. When I arrived, he had messaged that he was running a bit late, so I went in and got my coffee. If you’ve been reading these adventures all along, you might recall that I usually wait in my car for the other person to arrive, but hey, it’s Starbucks. I have plenty of experience there.

Plus it was a cold, windy day and I wanted a nice hot coffee. ☕

When he came in, I stood up and we greeted each other with a hug. And that’s when I first noticed it… he smelled like cigarette smoke.

I know I wouldn’t have matched with someone whose profile said they smoke, but I couldn’t remember noticing if his specifically said he DIDN’T. But also, maybe someone he lived with is a smoker — that’ll make your clothes smell too.

So we sat down and started to chat.

It did not take long before I felt a headache start to set in. I also noticed that the inside of his mask was stained a brownish-yellow from what must come out of his lungs when he breathes. (Um, ew.) Clearly, he’s a smoker.

When I went to use the restroom, I took my purse (and therefore my phone) along and checked his profile… no mention of smoking. Usually when it’s not mentioned, I ask. Smoking is a deal-breaker for me. I’m very sensitive not only to the smoke, but to the lingering smell on a smoker’s clothes, hair, and skin.

It’s 100% on me that I didn’t catch that he didn’t mention smoking or not on his profile.

He was a nice guy and we were having a good conversation. He had said that he had dinner plans with friends, but asked if I wanted to meet back up later in the evening. I was honest with him that I didn’t think that was a good idea, and why. He said he could just not smoke around me, which I appreciate, but I also explained the severity of my sensitivity and how bad it actually makes me feel physically if I spent a lot of time with a smoker.

He said he understood and we continued to hang out and talk some more. All in all, we spent about 3 hours together. By the time we wrapped up, my lungs were burning.

He walked me to my car and asked if I wanted to kiss.

Apparently he didn’t understand as well as I thought he did.

I said “I’m sorry, but no.” and explained again. On the one hand, I felt bad, because he was genuinely nice and we had a good conversation. On the other hand, my health has to take priority over not hurting a nice guy’s feelings.

Always, every time.

My head was still hurting when I went to bed that night.

And now I’m being SUPER CAREFUL to look for mention of smoking and ask if it’s not there.