Dude #23

I get a lot of potential matches from people who live an hour or more away, so I was excited to match with Dude #23 in part because he lived close by. We had a nice chat, but he was scheduled to have surgery the next day. It was just a minor procedure though, so we picked up the conversation a couple days later.

We proceeded to message almost every day for over 3 weeks and then were able to coordinate to meet.

We met at a local place for a drink and some appetizers. We had a nice conversation and laughed a lot. I definitely found him attractive and enjoyed his company.

He had to get home because his elderly dog wasn’t feeling well (as an animal lover, I totally respect not wanting to leave sick pet home alone for too long). He invited me to come meet his dog and hang out for a bit. I followed him there and texted a safety buddy with his name and address. His dog is super cute and we all snuggled in front of the TV for a bit before it was time for me to head home.

We texted over the course of the following week, both expressing that we enjoyed our time together. We both felt the chemistry and would like to see each other again.

And then he stopped messaging.

As the next week passed, I made a few attempts at conversation. I asked if he and his dog were okay. At the one week mark I said that I didn’t know if I should be assuming that he was just really busy, worrying that something terrible happened or accepting that I was being ghosted.

Thirteen days after that I heard from him. Things had gotten rough over there, he got overwhelmed and shifted into survival mode.

We had a conversation about what we’re both looking for, including my need for communication (literally one message saying “I’m in survival mode right now” would have made all the difference in how I experienced the 3 weeks prior), and his desire to not feel like he’s obligated to maintain a high level of communication.

Overall, we were looking for similar things; ongoing friendship and connection without the need to have it be something really serious. We agreed to be honest with each other and work to find a level of communication that would work for both of us.

It was Halloween weekend, so I went to hang out and watch a zombie movie with him and his dog. Again, I had a nice time.

I messaged him mid-week after that. He did respond, asking how I was doing, so I told him about something challenging that I was going through that week. He didn’t have anything to say. About a week later was Veterans Day. He is a Veteran, so I messaged saying “thank you for your service”. He did not respond.

As of publication time for this entry, it’s been an additional 17 days with no further communication. I’m not going to continue a one-sided conversation and I don’t know if I’ll hear from him again. Honestly, even if I do, I’m really not interested anymore. I can’t keep making the effort to find a level of communication that works for both of us if the level he’s looking for is in reality zero.

That just doesn’t work for me.

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